


Dear Peggy

by wanderingidealism



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of it, depressed!Steve, like all the angst, no seriously, politics and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 23:58:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/680345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingidealism/pseuds/wanderingidealism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve writes to Peggy. Letters he'll never receive answers for. Or will ever send for that matter.</p>
<p>Sorry if it sucks<br/> I thought it was kind of sad.... and cute...</p>
<p>Um, I inserted some of my own political opinions.... I don't think Steve would have supported a lot of the actions America took during the Cold War on the grounds that they made our county into what he would call "bullies."</p>
<p>So there. Just warning you.<br/>don't like don't read</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Peggy

**Author's Note:**

> Just some drabbles about Steve Rogers writing letters to Peggy throughout his adventures- starting as he enters the camp and going up all the way through the ice and through the Avengers. They all suck. I can’t do relationship shit. At all. Period. Don’t own anything here just the writing. This is property of Marvel and Disney.  
> It may also not be in any Specific order, because I suck at chronology.

The training Camp, 1943.

Dear Agent Carter,

I thought your actions today were completely justifiable; If I was in your position, and someone had talked to me like that, I’d have whipped him too. I think it’s very brave of you to have joined the S.S.R, and I would really like to get to know you better. Sorry if this seems up front…. I’m not good at picking up dames.

Steve Rogers

(Yes the first one is bullshit keep reading.)

 

Germany, 1943

Dear Peggy,

I’m sorry about what happened with that girl in Howard’s lab; I swear I didn’t mean to- she threw herself at me, I didn’t know how to react. I never wanted to hurt you, Peggy. 

I keep your picture tucked safely away in my compass. It helps me think…. It reminds me that I’m still human, despite the serum. I remember our conversation in Brooklyn, on the way to the lab where I became Captain America. Peggy, I never stop thinking about you. I destroy HYDRA bases all over Europe not only because I hate bullies, but because these bullies threaten you. You are my reason for fighting; you’re the right partner.

If only I had the guts to tell you.

Steve Rogers

 

Somewhere over the Arctic, still 1943

Dear Peggy,

I’m doing this for you…. This is one letter you won’t read… I’m sorry. I have your picture on the consol; your face is watching me, keeping me strong. I have to crash the plane Peggy, there’s no other way.

I wish I could have given you a life… if you wanted that… I wish we could have seen the war end together, gone home to England or America, and raised up a family. I wish I could make it to that date.

Eight’ o’ clock, the Stork Club. I’ll remember that Peggy. 

I’m doing this to save the world- to save America… I’m doing this to save all of the people depending on me to defend them from the people who would destroy them. I am doing this because I have broken men, women, and children out of concentration camps all over Germany, and crashing the plane is the only way to end the devastation from spreading to the whole word. Peggy, I want to protect the innocent people, and I want to protect you.

I’m scared, Peggy. I’ve never thought about dying before… I always kept fighting when I should have booked it. Bucky was probably scared too, when he fell, and I can never forgive myself for failing to protect him, like he did me. At least now I’ll see him.

My fingers are going numb now, and I’m still scared. The ground is moving closer Peggy, I can hear your voice…. I feel like I already have one foot in heaven, I’m moving so fast. I wonder if it will be painful and slow or instantaneous; I hope I don’t lose your picture along the way.

Peggy, you’re the first girl I’ve ever said this too, but I love you. I knew it at the camp, and I knew it on the plane on the way to save Bucky and the others. I knew it all through Germany and Europe, and in every HYDRA base we destroyed, I thought of you. I’m sorry I won’t be there Peggy… I’m so sorry.

Eight’ o’ clock. The Stork Club. You might want to make a rain check for that…

Peggy, I’m sorry. Don’t forget me? I’ll wait for an answer. 

When the plane crashes your voice will be all I hear. And your picture, sitting on the consol in front of me, will be the last thing I see.

I love you, Peggy, goodbye.

Steve Rogers.

 

New York/ the Helicarrier, I don’t even know what year.

Dear Peggy,

You’re dead, aren’t you?

The man with the eye patch told me I was out cold- literally- for seventy years.

Way too late for our date. I’m sorry.

I miss you Peggy, I wish you were here. I wish I was there, with you, for the last seventy years. I wish I was dead at least; that I had died when the plane crashed; at least we’d be together, and at least I’d have an excuse for being late.

Peggy, I’m really scared. I know nothing about the world in this century. I don’t know anyone, and everything is new. All of the old places I memorized are gone; Brooklyn changed without me. The Dodgers aren’t even their team anymore! Peggy, I think this new age is more terrifying that crashing the plane. I don’t know if I can adapt. Everything is too loud, too in-you-face, and I’ve been used as propaganda for wars I would never have supported. They made me into their dancing monkey- a dancing fool- even after I died.

You’d have thought people would have looked at men like Schmidt and Hitler, had seen their cruelty and what it did to innocent people, and had learned. No; instead, more destruction came from it.

America destroyed Japan in the end. Peggy, they killed innocent civilians with massive weapons that burned and annihilated everything, leaving the land poisoned for years after. Sure we won, but at what cost? Yes they attacked first, but did the people themselves deserve such a fate? Children died Peggy; children didn’t deserve that fate…. And more and more innocent bodies piled up over the years too. And my face, the face of Captain America, and the accompanying story was used to get people to support wars of aggression on the U.S’s part. The Cold War, and Vietnam, and Korea… those things are wars I’d have never supported. McCarthyism was basically taking the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and ripping them apart. I wish I could have been there, Peggy; maybe then I could have stopped the bullies outside America, and inside it as well.

It’s different here Peggy, and I am scared and disgusted. These ”computers” allow instant information, but a lot of it is terrifying and disturbing. The Internet confuses me… so much.

And what people believe in too; what was considered improper when we were young is now totally acceptable. Thank goodness “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed. And that homosexuality is no longer a thing you have to hide…. Not that I am or anything, but it was horrible what used to happen to boys who had that label pinned on them.

At least in this age, they want to end genocide- they encourage tolerance, and acceptance, even if people still don’t practice what they preach. The Civil Rights Movement was one thing I love about today- and the peace movements.

Peggy, I wish you were here, beside me… and Bucky, and the other Howling Commandos. I’ve met Howard’s son, Anthony- Tony. He’s kind of a jerk on the outside, but I think it’s because he’s insecure…. He told me Howard was a terrible father, and a bad person. Was that true? He seemed all right to me, but it sounds like he really hurt Tony. Emotionally and physically possibly. I heard Howard spent all his time searching for me, and ignored his own son…. That makes me sad Peggy. I wish I didn’t know that. I wish I died on impact and the plane incinerated with me in it so nothing was left. Then maybe Tony wouldn’t seem to hate me so much.

Peggy, I still love you more than anything else. I miss you, and I wish I was there, I wish I made it to the Stork Club at eight’ o’ clock sharp, or seven fifty, just to see the look on your face when I showed up alive.

I still haven’t learned to dance; don’t plan on it either- my partner’s missing. 

I don’t know if you moved on after I crashed… I don’t know if you still loved me years after I “died”.   
But It’s all right if you did; I understand.  
Seventy years is a long time to wait for a guy frozen in ice.

I hope if you did, you moved into a nice, big house, and had beautiful children. Equally, I hope I never run into said children and probable grandchildren, because wouldn’t that be awkward.

Peggy, I love you and always will. Your picture in my compass survived, and I draw you constantly… every day sometimes…. When I feel low, which is every, Goddamn, day in this age, I draw what I remember. Your smiling face is what comes up the most…. Sometimes what… what could have been, the life we might have had if I didn’t get frozen.  
A Life I want, so badly right now it burns.

I’m Sad, and scared, and so utterly, hopelessly alone in this America. Sometimes I wonder how I get through the days. On those days I go down to the gym and beat the sand out of punching bags until my fingers bleed.

I don’t know if I can survive this Peggy, but I’ll try. Just wait for me on the other side.

I’ll always love you Peggy,

Yours always,  
Steve Rogers


End file.
